A year ago, William and I were preparing to fly to France, to celebrate my Mom's last Christmas in the small southern town of the Grau du Roi where my Parents had rented a small apartment to escape the cold winter.It was a very special and privileged moment.
I always approach the holiday's period with apprehension and the spirit of it seems depressing for me, since I always recall the wonderful ones of my childhood and of course being an adult it is way different because most of the time it is away from the family.
However this year we will celebrate Christmas with my sister, in her home in Orient Bay, but it will still be a difficult day since it will be the first time in my life that I won't be able to wish Merry Christmas to my Mom and hear her voice in return, wishing William and me the same.
I know that the first year after the death of a loved one is the most difficult, because on every occasion it is always the "first time since". I am doing better than few month ago though, but there are days like Christmas and her Birthday, February 5Th, that I apprehend, and I am even not able to go on her grave since I am 5000 miles away.
So, I will just open her book that she left us and read few pages of it and some poetry she wrote, and touch the scarf that William and I offered her last Christmas, the last gift, that I keep preciously in a chest and which still have her scent.
I cannot wish I was a year ago, because it would be reiterate and revive her sufferance, but I wish I was already in January, with this holiday period over and behind me.
5 comments:
Philippe
Holidays are always the most beautiful of times and the saddest of times. We celebrate our joy in being with family and friends we love and we cry for those we lost.
My father died in 1995 right after Luis.... on Christmas Eve. While I miss my mother and other family members, losing him on Christmas Eve always makes Christmas sadder for me and I feel his loss at this time more than others.
Cry for your mom, feel your sadness, but also feel your joy..your joy at your wonderful years together..your joy of being with William..your joy of having your sister here to celebrate with..and so many other joys too.
Let yourself feel it all,and don't let your sorrow overwhelm you.Let your sorrow be a part of these holidays but not all.
Dee and I wish you and William a wonderful special holiday and we look forward to seeing you in the new year in your new restaurant.
HUGS
Barbara
Philippe,
I would like to share a story with you about the year that I lost my 23 year old brother to cancer...It was a melanoma, the deadliest form of skin cancer...well from the time that the cancer was found until his death it was just short of 6 months...So when we lost him I would go to the cemetary at some point EVERY day and if I did not get there during the day I would go at night...well one night I had been out partying with some friend and decided that I needed to go see my brother...So with 3 foot snow banks I went to the cemetary to see him....Well I got out of the car to talk to him and when I got back in the car to leave the damn car would not start....So I walked 2 plus miles home with spike heels and not a very heavy coat cause when I left the house I would be just running from point a to point b and I did not need boots or a heavy coat...I was to cool...or should I say COLD... Here comes the strange part....the next morning a care taker for the cemetary called and said that he had to move my car for a burial and I apoligized and told him that it would not start, he said "You left the keys in it and it started right up."
So I took it that my little brother was telling me to stay away from the cemetary and that I did not need to go everyday....especially since the next two times that I went to the cemetary for anything to do with my brother my car broke down again...I did not go for a very long time after that....If I needed to talk to him I did and do, to this day, talk to him right from home...because now I know that he is with me always and that I DO NOT HAVE TO GO TO A CEMETARY TO be with him....I always am!!!
Christmas is a very hard time of the year form me also, the first year after we lost him, I cried with every ornament that I put on the tree but it gets easier as the years past and you tend to remember all the good times and the painful stuff seems to go away. I also lost a very dear friend many years ago on christmas morning and 30 years later I never wake up on Christmas and not think of and say a prayer fom her...Philippe, Merry Christmas to you and william and your sister and her family...try to remember only the happiest of happy times and that will help you get thru it all....Maureen
Maureen...you described exactly what I try to tell others...that all our loved ones, the ones that cared about us during their time on earth, are still with us. They may not be in physical form but they ARE there next to us, watching us every single day. They watch us laugh and they watch us cry. It has been well documented over and over again, that those that have crossed over want us to stop mourning them and live our lives to the fullest, to enjoy every minute of our time on earth, because eventually we will meet them again one day, but if we continue to mourn, we will have wasted the precious times we could have been making our own memories and cherishing all those that are still with us.
Everyone should take time to mourn a loved one but we also need to be strong enough to gather up our senses, to stand up one day and realize that we are not alone in this world, that we not only have family and friends who love us and care for us but we also have those who have passed who are watching over us and loving us still.
Philippe, as I have said before, just talk to your Mother from wherever you're standing. As Maureen said, you don't have to talk to a loved one at a specific point. And remember what I have said before...they do talk to us (like what happened to Maureen)...it's like learning a new language, you just have to learn how to translate the messages...
Philippe, Losing one's mother is something that does get easier with time, but, missing your mom will be forever. My mom died 25 years ago, I was 35 at the time, so well into adulthood, but, I miss her every single day. I do not have a cemetery to go to either, but, she is an aura around me always. I, to this day, miss her smile, her unwavering love, her advice, her humor and her cooking!
On another note, good luck with your new position. We are so excited as we have always felt that Capt. Oliver's could really be a first class operation and with you at the helm we are sure it will be !
Our love to you and William, see you in January.
Our thoughts are with you and Bill, as always at this time of year. This month is the 10th anniversary of losing my mom and it always has been and always will be a difficult time of year, although it does get easier. Now instead of crying I laugh at the good times (and even the bad). I know both my parents are still with me - literally, as I have their urns in an upstairs closet, not that I tell most people because unless they have been there they dont understand, and find it somewhat creepy, but I find it a comfort. Its even become a joke within our family back in England, "its ok for some, retiring permanently to the Caribbean...." At this time of year its easy to feel sorry for yourself, but there are others far worse off than us. I have a great new life, great home, great friends, a fantastic husband and my dogs, its everything my parents could have wanted for me and then some. I feel most for my brother, still in the UK, lives alone and will be spending Christmas by himself, so this Christmas, I wont cry, Ill be very gratefull for my life and how my parents prepared me for it, and Ill spend that extra hour on Chistmas Day calling my brother....
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