Commitment

When I commit, I stay on and make sure that I won’t fail or disappoint myself by not keeping up on my promise… I am usually pretty good at it, since I have a very strong willpower and where some people fail I succeed...(I am saying this without any cockiness or pretension…)
How many time in my life I heard smokers saying that they “can’t stop”, that “whatever they try, they can’t resist” or that it is too difficult to stop to smoke, and when I tell them “I did” they systematically answer “oh... well… you know I am smoking more than a pack a day since… so it’s impossible! I tried, I can’t...”
Well you know what? That’s bullshit! That’s cowardness toward yourself, and that is zero of willpower! And that is very little esteem for yourself pal!
13 years ago, on April 30th 1996, I was smoking a cigarette at Juliana Airport while waiting for our Flight to New York, and I decided it was going to be the last! I committed to stop smoking… and ironically, at that almost exact same moment, like to "test" my decision which he wasn't aware of anyway, William showed up with a brand new carton of cigarettes that he bought for me at the shop because they were so expensive in the States… Well it was my last cigarette!... I did stop to smoke after smoking 2 packs a day during 16 years, like that, in a snap of a finger, over a 4 hours flight, without stress, withdrawal, nada, but all self-controlled, and the carton of cigarette that William bought me ended up being smoke almost in its whole by Alison Carey (Mariah Carey’s sister) who was our tenant on Long Island at that time…
I did tried few months ago, while we were visiting the Amish Country in Pennsylvania to smoke a cigarette again… But it didn’t work out the way I expected. We were at the Inn’s bar having a drink (a Gin Tonic for me...) and suddenly I had a craving for a cigarette… that was about 6 month that I was tobacco free, but the craving came out from nowhere and was intense… William went to the cigarette machine, bought me a pack of Marlboro, I lighted up, and almost immediately felt nauseous, sick as hell…. I even didn’t finish it, and I almost jumped diner! It was it for years…
Another time I restarted to smoke, is many many years later, when my Mom became sick…about 3 years ago… With the stress building up, I found an “evasion” and a stress release in smoking again... It didn’t last either, when I realized the damages of cancer, the sufferance inflicted by chemotherapy and radiotherapy, I stopped again overnight, in another snap of a finger, and I strongly believe that I will never go back ever…
Recently, on June 21st, I made another commitment… I decided to stop drinking alcohol, and to change my way of eating and treating my body, because the years passing I was putting more and more weight on myself… Strangely I always had the “coward attitude" I was talking earlier about stopping alcohol, convincing myself that it would be too difficult and it would be terrible for me because I loved my wine and my gin tonic or JB coke so much… Well, like for stopping smoking, in a snap of a finger I stopped to drink alcohol, overnight, and I am doing fine! I am doing very well, I should say! No wine anymore, no first drink, no aperitives, no after diner dring, nothing!
I never felt the "urge" or the “lacking” I expected to feel, so far, I have no craving for, and I am drinking a very light French sparkling water named Badoi, since more than a month now… I did tried, like for the cigarette, to have a glass of French rose wine, a couple of weeks ago, and I almost thrown up, couldn’t even finish it, and was so happy to have a glass of water alongside of it!!! weird or what? Who would have believe that knowing me??? Ugh?....
Beside that, like I said, part of my commitment was to change my way of eating and treating my body!... Well, I am a “cannibal”... “was” a cannibal, should I say, actually!
Since a month I went for “vegetarian” instead, and wow, what a change in my life!
I am sleeping better, I have more energy, I don’t need to have my little naps in the afternoon, I am running 5 to 6 miles each day, do between 120 to 150 crushes and 50 push up as well, and dropped, yes I said dropped… 26 pounds!!!! 26 pounds of fat belly!
I am not kidding, and amazingly I still don’t see it on myself, but the scale is talking, so I have to believe it! LOL...
On June 21st, for the first time in years I weighted myself, and then I had the shock of my life! I read 216… I was 216 pounds... And it was after being sick as hell during three days of not eating and being, stomach wise, “deranged” and uncomfortable, without giving you anymore detail... (I think you can figurate out what I mean!!!...LOL)...
So it basically told me too, that three days earlier I was even heavier than 216 lb!!!!... That’s what motivated my commitment, and I believe it is a good reason to commit and it was worth it!...
Yesterday, June 22nd, a month later, the scale read 190lb, and yes, for one time and first time in very very very very long time, I was proud of myself and the fact I can do it if I want!...